I think we are all conscious at some level of the differing roles we take on in our lives; as teachers, students, parents, children, siblings, spouses, friends. We are not only playing different roles in different situations, we play them differently depending on who we are with. The person my students would recognize is not the same person I am at home, or with a friend. I even behave differently depending on which friend I am with, or whether we are alone or in a group, in private or in a cafe, or on the street. And while I am recognizable to some degree to everyone I know, in all of these situations, I never behave exactly the same way in any two of them. I think this is true of all people.

As ethnographers we are taking on a new role, indeed several new roles, some of which we are completely unaware of. This is especially true for those of us who are new to ethnography, but it holds true to some extent for us all because even if we are comfortable in the role of ethnographer already, every new study is different. The first role I see is my own perception as myself as ethnographer, the second as how I want to present myself as such, and third, in the myriad ways that others perceive me while I observe them in their classroom. I will never know all the ways I am seen by these students, or even in all the facets that I am seen by the two teachers whose classes I am observing. Looking at it from this wide perspective, with all the unknowns, puts me on edge. Looking back on the reading, and realizing all the ways I position myself in my world (both in my own head and in the way I believe I am being perceived by other people), I see that I am missing quite a large part of the equation, and this large part can never be filled.

So I am trying to step back from this immensity and back into myself. What I can control is how I feel about where I am, and what I can hope to express in my actions is to “give” the impression that I am observing the class for no reason but for my own education and benefit, and to “give off” an impression of unimportance and harmlessness. In this way I can fulfill my desire to be as unobtrusive as possible and realize the role I have set for myself as more observer than participant.