Joel Manfredi
Journal– Ferguson
Dr. De Vries
English 5870
The first feeling I got after reading “bad boys,” by Ann Arnett Ferguson is that I wanted to read more. I was yearning for some of the stories that related to these students, and found myself relishing in the short examples she gave here. As I sit back now and think about the way I felt while reading this, it’s amazing to me that my first feeling was that the children must be doing something wrong in order to be punished so much. And as this may be the case, it may also be the case that many of the reasons these children act out are foreign to me, with issues that I never considered. Being white, I was never aware of the color of my skin. I’m just “white,” but during my ages of 12-14, I was in trouble all the time. I never felt that I was categorized as someone who had a “jail cell with my name on it.” Was this just because I was white? Or did being white give me more leeway, as if I had a “chance” because of that simple reason alone? I lived with both my parents (albeit through a divorce), switching from one house to the next, but wouldn’t consider where I grew up to be associated with Ferguson’s Heartland. So I wonder how I would have been regarded had I been an African American? Would I have felt differently about myself, my future, or the consequences I was in?
According to Ferguson, the answer would be “yes.” She says, “the meaning and consequences of these acts for young black males… are different, highly charged with racial and gender significance with scarring effects on adult life chances”(3). I tend to agree with her, because I never felt that my problems in school would ever really translate into problems with my adult life. Everyone that I saw in a position of power looked like me. Shit, I looked like the warden and not the inmate! So yeah, I got in trouble, but it seemed there was always “hope” for me, from parents, teachers, counselors, etc. Never was I put into a category of “impending doom” when it came to my future.
With this “future of hope,” I got to recognize that my actions in school meant something more than to just myself. People actually did care about me and whether or not I would succeed in life. If there was no hope, or no support, I wonder if I would have changed my behavior? Ferguson refers to a kid in the Punishing Room that saw his file on her desk. “one day a fifth-grade African American boy who was always in trouble saw the file folder with his name on the desk. ‘I got a lot in there, don’t I? Who else got one that big?’ he asked. There was awe in his voice at his accomplishment. He had made an important mark on the school”(9). That “important mark” is a feeling of accomplishment in whatever capacity it comes. For kids who are supported, that usually means getting good grades, or turning in a well planned project. But for others, who are seen only as trouble makers, causing trouble becomes a source of pride and accomplishment. It’s like a cliche, “Any attention is better than no attention at all.”
On a finishing note, I’d like to point out a portion of this reading where Ferguson refers to her own writing. It seems there is a connection with what we read last week with Pryer concerning “memoir” as a form of research. Ferguson says, “I structured the text… between the ‘raw’ form of the data that I collected and my own interpretive and analytical authorial work in framing documentary evidence as one thing rather than another. Interspersed between the chapters is an example of the types of data that I drew on as I pulled together the strands that became this story: self-reflexive musings, transcriptions of interviews, primary source materials, field notes”(23). The impression here is that Ferguson used all of her resources, including her own voice, to relay the information. I think that keeping a healthy balance of both subjective and objective forms will do the reader well in gaining a true understanding of the experience. She also refers to the fact that writing and reading go together in the creative process. “I have tried as much as possible to leave these complexities and contradictions in so that you, the reader, can more consciously participate in the critical work of interpretation”(23). Conscious participation while reading…
I think I need to read her entire book also. I can’t help but wonder how differently life would be if i were considered hopeless by others. Once while I was walking to the office another teacher loudly made fun of some students who dressed differntly than others. He was talking to me so they could hear. I guess he thought I might agree with him. I walked right over to those students and apologized for the behaviour of adult and tried to convey that we were not all like that, and just because we are adults does not always make us right. I hope I made a difference there.
Since we can’t possibly understand what it would be like to be the minority culture we need to educate ourselves, and others about cultural inequality. I use the word “culture” here to stress that there is only one “race”; the human race. I believe what Ferguson and others write about are cultural differences. For example, Joel and I grew up in a “white” culture. We can’t possibly relate to what it was like growing up in a different culture.